Tag Archives: depression

Mistress of Nada

That may have been a better title for my neglected blog.  I had no idea what type of mixture my life would be turning into.

  1. Two forced moves.
  2. Heart Attack
  3. Hearing an NPR piece on viewing cities through evolutionary science.
  4. Taking an Americorps VISTA position in under 24 hours.
  5. Leaving the Container Store.
  6. Serving for an awesome year and a half with the Zeist foundation, working on community engagement and schools.
  7. Serving for half a year at East Atlanta Kids Club where I got to write grants, screen staff, and so much more.
  8. Started grad school at Georgia State University, working on a Master’s of Public Policy with a focus on social policy.  I initially thought I wanted to do educational policy.  Alas, I think we need a broader group to defeat the problems of poverty and big business.
  9. Immediately after starting the program, I got pregnant with twins.  We lost one, who we named Jesse, at 11 weeks.  Even with the grief and never ending morning sickness, I made it into the honor society.
  10. #3 joined us the summer after my first year and will surely benefit from all the advanced classwork.
  11. Since the baby threw off my two-year plan, I used the opportunity to take extra classes that appeal to my broader urban concerns. I fell in love with GIS because it is mapping–data and design.
  12. I also used the extra year to apply for a fellowship through the law school.  I am an Urban Fellow with the Center for the Comparative Study of Metropolitan Growth.  It has enriched my program and my life, complete with an intensive week studying and working in Barcelona.
  13. The other Capstone of my program is the actual Capstone class where we are doing some economic development planning for the City of Forest Park.  I feel like I have not been able to meet my own high expectations, but our team is awesome –and I cannot say enough about the amazing Joseph F. Hacker, PhD and AICP.
  14. Jason is on track to be a Liuetenent.  He will be wonderful, but boy the uncertainty and change in our house right now is scary.
  15. Right now, I am in a very tight spot where I have so much writing to wrap up in the next two weeks that I don’t know if I could handle it childless and single. I am trying to hope for the best, but prepare that I may not graduate in May. Some of my best colleagues are graduating in summer though so I wouldn’t be lonely at least.
  16. This is where my heart is out to get me.  I had gone to a new cardiologist since the old one was very dismissive about the unbearable side effects I had.  Being off meds was fine until this semester got so crazy. Now I am on a new BP med, which also gives me horrifying nightmares and isn’t keeping my BP below 140-50 over 105-10.  Plus it gives me insomnia and ups my anxiety like nobody’s business. I do not have time for this trial and error stuff right now.  My GP, unlike the other docs, got me in right away.  I am now trying a third class of BP drugs.  Fingers crossed.
  17. My head is telling me that of course, this is all my incompetence and that I never should have had kids, gone back to school, etc. Of course, I won’t graduate in May.  I probably never will.  No one will want to hire a mother of 3 with a firefighter husband.  And speaking of those 3 kids, two of them have big time anxiety issues that I have to walk through with them. We will not be able to keep affording to rent in EAV.  We won’t ever be able to buy a house.

FFS.  This was supposed to be a quirky yet ultimately uplifting summary of my day.

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Posted by on April 11, 2017 in Uncategorized


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