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Some Bullshit


woman making hand sign

Photo by Nicolas Postiglioni on

In order to be accepted into 1) the certificate program I have already finished the work for and 2) the new Urban Studies Masters/Doctoral program at Georgia State, I have to jump through some hoops related to my DUI…my 1998 DUI.

These are familiar hoops.  At the time, I was an undergraduate and in a teaching program.  I had to jump through some hoops to stay in the program.

Before I was allowed to start my MPP in 2014, I had to jump through hoops.  This delayed my official acceptance long enough that there were no GRA positions left.  Luckily I hustled my way into one.

I finished my degree in 2017.  I am still an active student as I took a class in the spring of 2018.

Yet, here I am again.

I have to acquiesce to 2 more background checks, submit records and a personal statement.

Here is my for real personal statement:

In 1998, I received a DUI.  I haven’t had a drink since.

You people knew about this at the time.  It has been addressed twice.  Come the fuck on, people. This is some bullshit. 


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Posted by on July 19, 2018 in Uncategorized



This morning, I dreamed that she called me.  She was in good spirits.  Obviously, she didn’t know she was dead.  I didn’t mention it because I knew it would distress her.  I just kept asking simple questions to keep her talking.  I wanted to hear her voice for as long as possible.  She laughed a lot.  Of course.  Much too soon, the connection went bad.   Left with a crackling phone in my hand, I was calling, “Mommy? Mommy?”

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Posted by on May 31, 2018 in Family, Uncategorized


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Quirky and Uplifting

“If I live alone, whose feet will I wash?”

Over a decade ago, whilst I was trying to decide whether to walk away from my husband and his baggage, I heard that quote.  It stuck with me.  Not that I was wanting to wash his feet.  Boy feet get icky.  I even avoid my kid’s feet these days.  What it made me think about is that while it may be easier to live alone, it is missing something big.

In the Bible, people freak out about Jesus wanting to wash their feet.  To him, it is all part of serving others.  I think living alone means you have the backfiring luxury of not thinking about anyone’s needs but your own.

Most spiritual teachings cover that whole serve others first/ love others stuff.

At least that is what I was trying to tell myself tonight.  Since it was so nice, we were hanging out in the backyard and I was grooming the dogs.  Penelope slipped inside with one of the kids and ate a box of tagalongs.  I controlled myself, fetched the peroxide and syringe, and proceeded to wrestle a badger.  Meanwhile, we had put Lincoln inside so he wouldn’t eat any of the vomit for which we were waiting.  Good times.

I left Penelope outside since I also needed to start dinner. I was calm enough to cheerfully accept the children’s help.  Microwaves and toaster ovens are gifts from the Lord. Link was fussing, much like he normally does when he is trapped and Penelope is running loose outside.  I tried to shush him while we poured various things in bowls, hoping for the best. (I am proud that I stopped Jonas from adding soy sauce and Old Bay to our Italian meatballs).  I get a break and go to let Link out and….

He is standing in a body of water sized urine puddle.  The dog that had been outside for over an hour and inside for ten minutes. There may have been profanity.  I moved him outside and asked the 6yo to keep the toddler away from the crate while I gathered supplies—and tried to keep Mommy Dearest at bay. I fetched an old towel.  The 6yo had abandoned her post, but thankfully the toddler had just run naked (another story) into the yard after the two gross canines.  I dried the crate, sprayed liberally with the magic green stuff and…….

Heard one bark and the sound of the giant horse of an incontinent goofball clearing the gate in one leap.  He went straight across the street to make friends with a small dog and his not very encouraging owner.  Jonas caught him, but Lincoln got away and went right back after his new “friends.”

Meanwhile, the best neighbors ever swoop in to snap up the naked jaywalking toddler and scale a fence with a leash.

I tried to be still, breathe, find the humor, and be grateful for the opportunity to wash so many feet.

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Posted by on April 11, 2017 in Family, Uncategorized


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Mistress of Nada

That may have been a better title for my neglected blog.  I had no idea what type of mixture my life would be turning into.

  1. Two forced moves.
  2. Heart Attack
  3. Hearing an NPR piece on viewing cities through evolutionary science.
  4. Taking an Americorps VISTA position in under 24 hours.
  5. Leaving the Container Store.
  6. Serving for an awesome year and a half with the Zeist foundation, working on community engagement and schools.
  7. Serving for half a year at East Atlanta Kids Club where I got to write grants, screen staff, and so much more.
  8. Started grad school at Georgia State University, working on a Master’s of Public Policy with a focus on social policy.  I initially thought I wanted to do educational policy.  Alas, I think we need a broader group to defeat the problems of poverty and big business.
  9. Immediately after starting the program, I got pregnant with twins.  We lost one, who we named Jesse, at 11 weeks.  Even with the grief and never ending morning sickness, I made it into the honor society.
  10. #3 joined us the summer after my first year and will surely benefit from all the advanced classwork.
  11. Since the baby threw off my two-year plan, I used the opportunity to take extra classes that appeal to my broader urban concerns. I fell in love with GIS because it is mapping–data and design.
  12. I also used the extra year to apply for a fellowship through the law school.  I am an Urban Fellow with the Center for the Comparative Study of Metropolitan Growth.  It has enriched my program and my life, complete with an intensive week studying and working in Barcelona.
  13. The other Capstone of my program is the actual Capstone class where we are doing some economic development planning for the City of Forest Park.  I feel like I have not been able to meet my own high expectations, but our team is awesome –and I cannot say enough about the amazing Joseph F. Hacker, PhD and AICP.
  14. Jason is on track to be a Liuetenent.  He will be wonderful, but boy the uncertainty and change in our house right now is scary.
  15. Right now, I am in a very tight spot where I have so much writing to wrap up in the next two weeks that I don’t know if I could handle it childless and single. I am trying to hope for the best, but prepare that I may not graduate in May. Some of my best colleagues are graduating in summer though so I wouldn’t be lonely at least.
  16. This is where my heart is out to get me.  I had gone to a new cardiologist since the old one was very dismissive about the unbearable side effects I had.  Being off meds was fine until this semester got so crazy. Now I am on a new BP med, which also gives me horrifying nightmares and isn’t keeping my BP below 140-50 over 105-10.  Plus it gives me insomnia and ups my anxiety like nobody’s business. I do not have time for this trial and error stuff right now.  My GP, unlike the other docs, got me in right away.  I am now trying a third class of BP drugs.  Fingers crossed.
  17. My head is telling me that of course, this is all my incompetence and that I never should have had kids, gone back to school, etc. Of course, I won’t graduate in May.  I probably never will.  No one will want to hire a mother of 3 with a firefighter husband.  And speaking of those 3 kids, two of them have big time anxiety issues that I have to walk through with them. We will not be able to keep affording to rent in EAV.  We won’t ever be able to buy a house.

FFS.  This was supposed to be a quirky yet ultimately uplifting summary of my day.

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Posted by on April 11, 2017 in Uncategorized


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Itty bitty

Teeny tiny words on a teeny tiny computer lift my spirits. It is strange what can make or break your day.

Husband stuck in Memphis
Had to miss going to a job I enjoy
Baby hid the car keys

Iced coffee from drip, delivered
Wireless set up and I’m typing this from the sofa

And now I’m good. Plus Chicklet just brought me the keys.

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Posted by on October 9, 2011 in Uncategorized


My submission for They Might Be Hispters

Check out, a site that combines TMBG lyrics with photos.  I took this shot in the U Street Corridor in DC last month.  I knew it would come in handy.  Name that tune!

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Posted by on September 26, 2011 in Uncategorized


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Ten Years

The tenth anniversary of September 11 is proving to be more emotional for me than I expected.

I think parenthood is part of it.  Every soul that departed was someone’s child.  Many were someone’s parent.  Even the hijackers.  These are things you cannot give too much space in your head.

Parenting requires the daily chore of forgetting. The daily choice of denial.  You cannot handle socks and balanced meals and diapers if you are thinking, “I could be taken away from my children. What space would my absence leave in their lives?” or “My children could die slowly or quickly, peacefully or horrifically, and I would be left to walk this earth with my heart missing,” or “My child could become a force of evil, and maybe that offhand comment I make on a bad day could start the journey.”

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Posted by on September 11, 2011 in Uncategorized


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